Jul 16, 2009

Why The Ladies Should Love Megan Fox [Herogram]

So now that the Potter kids are on top, it's likely that news about our favorite over-boiled sex pot Megan Fox will take a backseat to the prim Emma Watson. And that's sad.

It's a pity because we should all like Megan Fox! Some people love her the way you'd love your racist Granpa. Like she says enough crazy shit for you love her in a bemused/horrifying sort of way. But Megan Fox is legitimately awesome because she knows exactly what she is: a real life version of a slutty Halloween costume.

And she makes no bones (heh) about it! She has repeatedly stated that her job is to be attractive. Unlike, say Scarlett Johansson who peddles sex the same way Fox does but tries to gussy it up with Tom Waits cover albums and erudite interviews. Isn't that infinitely more annoying? Fox's honesty is way more refreshing. Remember when Megan brought it with some real talk about ScarJo?

I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson - who I have nothing against - but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, ‘Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want… to do that.

You shouldn't, Megan! Because ladies like ScarJo and Natalie Portman, who are both devastatingly beautiful and educated, make Normals like me feel awful. At least with Megs, it's like, yeah maybe my boyfriend is thinking about her when he's on top but at least I could beat her in a game of scrabble, right? And isn't that what boyfriends really want? I mean, REALLY?

Also, Megan was a L.U.G. (Lesbian Until Graduation). Well, actually, more of a B.U.G. It's adorable! Even if it's untrue, it's a delight personal yarn that makes for great quotes like:

I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl - Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hand.

Personal story of the time Megan Fox touched my life: I have done some press junkets and they a festival of terribleness. The studios essentially send celebrities down to the Four Seasons to read a press release, a couple of hacks ask "What was it like to work with robots?" and then it's over. But the couple of times Megs has shown up these she's been chatty, off-topic, vulgar. It's a blast of fresh air.

I am pretty sure I am a doppelganger for Alan Alda. I'm a tranny. I'm a man. I'm so painfully insecure. I'm on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed. I'm scared."

Awww, don't be Megan, we're here for you.

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