Dec 25, 2009

Old Onion Article Saves Christmas [The Onion]

World events have screeched to a halt. Here is a funny article from the Onion: "Weed Delivery Guy Saves Christmas." You guys like the Onion, right? If anyone comments with "slow news day, huh?" You will be sorry. [Onion]

Woman Who Tackled Pope Has Pope-Charging Past [Pope Tackling]

That woman who tackled the Pope before he gave his Christmas Eve Mass last night? She's the same person who ran at him last Christmas. She even wore the same sweatshirt. (It's her "pope-tacklin' sweatshirt.") [NYDN]

Merry Christmas Soldiers! You Can Now Knock Each Other Up! [War Is Hell]

Soldiers in Iraq were, until today, likely to face disciplinary action for getting pregnant or getting another soldier pregnant. Not any more!

It makes sense that a bunch of young people in peak physical condition thrown together would... go on exercises. But a CNN story today reveals the scandals afoot under the command of Major General Anthony Cucolo (who put the rules in place for the 22,000 troops, including 1,682 women under his command).

The rule prohibited:

...becoming nondeployable for reasons within the control of the soldier," including "becoming pregnant or impregnating a soldier ... resulting in the redeployment of the pregnant soldier.

Probably because eight women got pregnant under his sexxxy command. While the rule said a court martial was a possible punishment, four of them got letters of reprimand and four were "not impregnated while deployed" so beat the rule. Ha! The men were not so lucky.

Of the men involved, three were reprimanded, Cucolo said. One, a sergeant, was given a more severe punishment of a written reprimand in his permanent file because he fraternized with a subordinate and committed adultery. A letter in the permanent file can affect a person's career because it is evaluated when a service member is considered for promotion. A fourth man was never reprimanded because the pregnant soldier refused to identify who the father was...

All this intrigue can now go on in the desert unabashed. So if the deployment's a rockin', don't come a knockin'.

What Would Tiger Woods Do? [Hazard]

Either Accenture didn't get all the Tiger Woods ads down in time for the holidays, or they're starting a clever new campaign. The intrepid Foster Kamer spotted this seven-foot-tall backlit message next to the security line at LaGuardia Airport today.

Update (1.42pm): A tipster points out that this is not the only Tiger Woods billboard still up at LaGuardia. It's amazing how words can take on such different meanings.

Dec 24, 2009

Pope Tackled During Christmas Eve Mass [Breaking]

The Vatican's Christmas Eve mass had an NFL quality tonight. A mentally unstable woman knocked over Pope Benedict XVI as he walked down the aisle at St. Peter's Basilica. The Pope is OK. Thank God. (Seriously, do it.) [AP]