Mar 27, 2009

'Freedom' Just Another Word For '8-Year Boondoggle' [Names]

God, this decade? It sucked. Wes Anderson stopped making good movies, the Vikings lost Mike Tomlin and hired Brad Childress, and this complete asshole named George Bush was our president. For like eight years! Ugh!

This dickbag, Bush, didn't even win the election, but we were all so bored and drunk in 2000 that we just let him be President, anyway, and then, next thing you know, it's 9/11, just like that. It was shortly after 9/11 that all these perfectly nice and acceptable words suddenly became terrible. Like "freedom." Now, that word is like nails on chalkboard. Ugh.

People who still think "The Freedom Tower" is a good name for the new WTC building? GROW UP. After the last eight years that really sounds like a bunch of 7th-graders came up with it. "The America is Awesome Tower." "The Let's Roll Building." "Megatron's Bitchin' Castle."

So, "freedom." It is a thing we like, sure, but that Bush asshole just ruined it for a generation. "Liberty" is a more elegant, mature word for what we are supposed to be talking about when we talk about "freedom," but even that word with its rich history has this total "tobacco company-funded think tank" tone to it.

"Terrorism," obviously, was always a loaded term, but now it is also just a joke. "Evil" was already a word far too cartoonish to be used by serious people in political discourse (unless, you know, Hitler and Stalin are up for debate), so no harm, no foul there.

So: your precious "Freedom Tower" will not be called that childish name, officially, though you can certainly honor all those dead fireman by calling it whatever the hell you like, privately. We will call it "The Embarrassing Bureaucratic Corruption, Gradual Dissipation of Crippling Paranoia and American Real Estate Bubble Memorial Tower."

Feel Free To Hire Hookers Off Craigslist Again [Law And Order]

Law-abiding citizens, tremble in fear: the NYPD is no longer secretly patrolling the hooker ads on Craigslist. Are we safe without undercover cops trying to lure horny men into motel rooms and arrest them?

And furthermore, why is this important news just now coming out 18 months after the NYPD allegedly stopped setting up stings on Craigslist hookers and johns? Whoa, so many questions! You're quite interested in Craigslist hooker information, wow!

It's simple really: ABC newsman George Weber got murdered by a 16-year-old he found on Craigslist, which, by the ironclad rules of Media Scandal Follow-Up Stories, means that it's time to delve into the seedy world of online prostitution, and what it means for YOU.

And whattayaknow, it's safe to go finding hookers on Craigslist again:

The Vice Squad Craigslist program was shut down about 18 months ago, sources told The Post. But NYPD spokesman Paul Browne insisted it happened as long as three years ago because a new commanding officer of the squad thought it was "a waste of resources."

Yokel Craigslist-suing Sheriff Thomas Dart could learn something from the NYPD. This is all part of a larger social contract. Cops agree to stay off Craigslist while they're on duty, and in return, we don't hold them to be hypocrites when they hire hookers from Craigslist while they're off duty. [NYP]

Plush baby blanket

This soft microfiber baby blanket is from The Modern Baby Co., and I love that the fabric isn't covered in cartoon characters. This is one of many baby blankets that I'm sure to collect in the weeks leading up to the birth. That's one thing I learned the first time, you can never have enough blankets or towels or burping cloths nearby during those early weeks because of all the exploding poop and rancid, regurgitated milk. I know, you didn't need to read that this morning, but WELCOME TO PARENTHOOD.

by dooce in Daily Style

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally
published by Heather B. Armstrong for as Plush baby blanket. This post
cannot be republished without express written permission.

Stand off

They both remained frozen in these positions for about ten minutes straight, Coco sort of pretending that she wasn't interested in the bone, Chuck sort of pretending that he didn't notice that she's full of shit. Their lives are so refreshingly simple.

by dooce in Daily Chuck

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally
published by Heather B. Armstrong for as Stand off. This post
cannot be republished without express written permission.

Published by
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Mar 26, 2009

Barry Washington [Pic Of The Day]

[President Obama hosts on online Town Hall meeting today and strikes a pose much like the one in George Washington's portrait; image via Getty]

Keeping up with the Jetsons

Yesterday I tried to take it easy after flying into Chicago, so I stayed close to the hotel, grabbed a small dinner by myself at an Irish pub across the street, and then settled in for a night of mind-numbing television. I haven't been to Chicago since 2001, and I know I should be trying to explore the city a bit more, but I can't take the drugs that would give me the energy to do so. I'm thinking that cocaine abuse isn't so much an indication that touring rock and roll stars are depraved human beings and more about how they're just trying to stay awake so they can visit more museums.

Before I set off on this first leg of the tour Jon set up Skype on my computer so that we could call each other over video, and last night we used it for the first time:


And for 45 minutes all Leta did was make funny faces. At one point I noticed something hanging off the end of her nose, perhaps a crumb from the Kellogg's Corn Pops she'd had for dinner, and after I pointed it out to Jon he shook his head shamefully. This was not the idea he'd had in his head of the family connecting through such advanced technology, whereas this was EXACTLY what I had in mind. I basically just picked my daughter's nose FROM 1500 MILES AWAY. And it was just as satisfying as it would have been had I done it in person.

Also, Leta told me this fantastic silly story:

One day day there was a stinky stinky bathtub, and in that stinky stinky bathtub there was a stinky stinky cat. And on that stinky stinky cat there was a stinky stinky dog. And on that stinky stinky dog there was a sack of stinky stinky peanuts. And on that sack of stinky stinky peanuts there was a sack of stinky stinky poop.

I could continue with the rest of this story, but it really wouldn't matter because the whole point of it was to get to that last part about the poop. Because that's the point in the narration where she almost blacked out from laughing so hard. The bathtub and the cat and the dog and even that random sack of peanuts, all bit players in comparison to the poop. The whole thing could have been about a major national disaster that left thousands of people homeless, and she would have held up her index finger to indicate one more pivotal plot point and said, "And then... there was a sack of stinky stinky poop," and the moral would have been exactly the same.

I think she may be secretly reading this blog.

by dooce in Daily

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally
published by Heather B. Armstrong for as Keeping up with the Jetsons. This post
cannot be republished without express written permission.

Published by
Published by xFruits
Original source :

Let's All Make Fun of Matt Lauer's Deer-Related Injury [Today In Today]

Today show host Matt Lauer got in a fight with a deer while on his bike last weekend and kinda hurt himself. Now he's back on the show and his colleagues are teasing him mercilessly.

Everyone from Brian Williams to the unfrozen caveman Smuckers salesman Willard Scott made jokes about Lauer, who swerved to avoid a deer while pedaling in Long Island and was thrown from his bike, separating his shoulder. So essentially he was playing chicken with a deer and lost. You're right to make fun of him, NBC news staff. Carry on.

Thanks video intern Whitney Jefferson for the clip.

That Is Just How Jeff Jarvis Writes, Yes [Thinkers]

Quality mockery of Jeff Jarvis, et al. Always worthwhile.

"Oh Look There's a Lamp Over There. Let's Go Bump Up Against It for Awhile." [Open Caption]

[Real Housewife of New York Jill Zarin out with her daughter on Robertson Blvd in LA; image via WENN]