Mar 6, 2010

The Time Karl Rove Got Beat Up by a Little Girl [Heroes]


According to his new memoir, a 9-year-old Rove affixed a Nixon sticker to his bicycle, prompting a leftist girl child to give him a bloody nose. We must find this girl and make her into a folk hero.


The fable of Rove's beat down at the hands of a little girl also appeared in a 2002 article in Utah's Deseret News, where we learn that tyke was Catholic and "put me down on the pavement and whaled on me and gave me a bloody nose. I lost my first political battle." The year was 1960, when Rove would have lived in Sparks, Nevada. (I think. Dedicated Rovologists correct me if I'm wrong, but this was between his early youth in Denver and late teens in Salt Lake City.)


Fascinating that Rove connects his political bloodlust to this event, in the manner of a Freudian analyst picking apart a grown man's first sexual experience. Because in the same Deseret article, Rove explains how he became president of his high school class: He recruited "an incredibly attractive senior girl" to chair his campaign and "made my entrance into the auditorium in a Volkswagen Bug filled with incredibly attractive girls. Two girls on each arm delivered me to the podium." Is it possible that a generation of dirty GOP tactics and George W. Bush's entire catastrophic career are all compensation for The Little Girl Who Got Away? Because, sheesh, Karl. Save your pennies, get a hotel room, and deal with your warped sexual aggression the way every other politician does, with the Emperor Club on speed dial.


The little girl knew not what she did, that her fists would launch a thousand campaigns and a war in Iraq. All she knew was that Karl Rove was a snot-nosed punk and she could take him down with one hand tied behind her pigtails. And for that, we salute her. [DailyIntel] [WaPo] [DesertNews]









Rest Easy, Anna Wintour: Your Impersonator Has Been Caught [Scams]


Emma Charlton pretended she had terminal cancer and was the editor of Vogue. Before that, she used the name Golightly and operated a gold-digging scam. Now, she will go to jail for defrauding her fiance and grandmother, among others.


Charlton confessed to 23 charges of theft and fraud in Great Britain last week, after stealing money from her granny and seducing a gullible man who believed that she was dying of cancer and that she was the editor of Vogue.


But this wasn't her first brush with the law. Years ago, as Emma Golightly (homage to iconic Breakfast at Tiffany's character Holly Golightly?) she seduced and conned five men to the tune of $375,000, then landed in jail for two years. This time around, she allegedly stole money while keeping up a rather bizarre tale of a high-fashion lifestyle. Toting a miniature dog everywhere she went, dressed in designer clothes, Charlton said she was the editor of Vogue when she booked a hotel for a charity fashion show and an Edwardian manor for her "dream wedding." Apparently nobody had seen The September Issue because that lie passed without question. (Charlton used her own name and didn't copy any of Anna's physical signatures, which is too bad, because if she'd been in a wig and sunglasses, think how great the courthouse pictures would be.) It was only when her checks bounced that Charlton was caught. Now she will go jail, a place ripe for Martha Stewart and Lil' Kim impersonations. Work the angle. [DailyMail]









This Year's Academy Awards Will Be Short on Movie Stars [Not-so-beautiful Awards]


Tomorrow's telecast of the Oscars may very well be the least glamorous awards show ever!









America's First Free Female Condom Campaign to Take D.C. Vaginas by Storm [Safe Sex]


Now all they have to do is teach everyone how these contraptions even work. The freebies will be in "beauty salons, convenience stores and high schools" for the next three weeks. [WaPo]









Entry-Level Jobs Are Officially a Pyramid Scheme [Recessionomics]


"Ms. Mitler is offering a high-end service that hopes to find a thriving market in unemployed 20-somethings. For $400 an hour, she is coaching [them] to land their first job." As if being an unemployed 20-something weren't humiliating enough. [NYT]


[Pic via NoStarClothing]









Which Director Is Fond of Intimate Make-Up Sessions? [Blind Item]


Which epic movie director specializes in fucking make-up artists in his trailer on set? "He leaves the windows open so everyone can hear him," said one colleague. "It's the most macho bullshit." The stunt backfired on a recent movie set because his squeeze was married.