May 22, 2009

Happy Memorial Day [Pic Of The Day]

A programming note: No, we're not going all Condé Nast with summer Fridays (memo for next week: is Condé still getting summer Fridays?) but because of the holiday, we're cutting today short. Foster and T.A.N. will be around this weekend and then the site's going dark on Monday. Happy weekend.

The Week We Climbed the Mountain of Hurricanes to Give Our Dreams a Hand [Week In Review]

So much happened this week. Let's pause to reflect before you get blitzed on your summer drink of choice.

Barack Obama performed 100 abortions live on stage at Notre Dame's "Spring Fling" dance, and then he invented rock 'n' roll. A Huffington Post internship costs almost as much as a Yankees ticket. (Topical!) Internships at New York are free, but it helps to know or be related to the most successful and famous filmmaker alive. Maybe instead of internships the children of the elite should just buy ads? Someone's gotta pay for all our open bars, guys! Before we all become dead-eyed wraiths like Anna Wintour, wasting away at SeaWorld.

Patrick Swayze survived an attempt on his life by Twitter, the Silicon Valley equivalent of Pol Pot and the Nazis and a Gorgon. Meghan McCain and Larry King were both inappropriate, on TV. Rachel Maddow was understated and appropriate. Jeff Macke lost his mind. Michael Steele blah blah teabag joke sigh. Jimmy Kimmel made funnies.

The Gossip Girls all graduated from community college or something, who knows. New Jersey's Real Housewives beguiled and thrilled Richard, but don't worry: he is still totes gay for triangle-mouth. As is Clay Aiken, maybe? Who knows what he is on about.

30 Rock will be back on your TV just in time for the Thursday Weekend Update Election 2012 specials to preempt it. Eventually it will just be folded into the Jay Leno Variety Hour Brought to You by Tires Plus, which will eventually consume all of NBC's schedule that isn't currently occupied by Subway Presents Chuck.

Hey, one of the guys who helped Madoff with his little scheme might not be so much of an innocent victim! This is shocking news if you are the sort of person who isn't shocked by reliable regular million percent returns on your imaginary investments. Dick Fuld is selling his fancy house. He and his wife will move into a FEMA trailer. Ha ha just kidding they will still be rich. Dick Parsons has a secret love child. Scientologists continue to be everywhere despite the fact that it's really impossible to take them seriously. John Cook has still not successfully ambushed Jesse Watters. A Columbia student cried about something. And calm down, everyone, Craigslist is fighting for your right to party and play.

Kreepie Kats in "We Had To Leave Earlie This Holiday Weekend Cuz It's Tough to Get A Nice Room in the Tombs!!" [Kreepie Kats]

[Jim Behrle presents Kreepie Kats Klassic! Happy Armistice Day!]

Optimize your blog post titles in two easy steps (Part 2)

I previously discussed the important first step in naming your blog post titles – addressing your readers.
When the posts are now in the archives, you will now have to consider how other readers will discover your posts. And this is through the help of search engines. This is where the second step comes in, which [...]

I previously discussed the important first step in naming your blog post titles – addressing your readers.

When the posts are now in the archives, you will now have to consider how other readers will discover your posts. And this is through the help of search engines. This is where the second step comes in, which is to address search engine users. The titles you compose should be sensitive to the requirements of search engine bots so that you get the coveted first SERP.

So how do you compose your blog post title to take advantage of search engines?

* Put important keywords in the title. From the first step you have already added a few relevant keywords that will appeal to readers who are on the lookout for words that will appeal to them. Now you have to beef it up some more by adding a few more keywords. Don’t overdo it though, your title should still be interesting and not losing its target.

* Mix up the word order. Changing the word order in your title could actually help you gain a few extra places in SERPS. The trick to rearranging the title is by making sure the beneficial keywords are closer to the start of the title.

* Fix the TITLE. One other thing that you should consider fixing up is the TITLE or the title tag. Usually the blog post title will be similar or will match the title tag. But when you’re already on the second step, you can tweak your title tag some more so that it is more optimized to be noticed by search engine bots. One easy way to do this if you’re using Wordpress is by installing and using the SEO Title Tag plugin.

* Leave slugs alone. Even though you are tweaking the title tag and the blog post title, you should not do anything with the actual page slug. Avoid doing things to it at all costs.

Thanks for reading eXtra for Every Publisher -

We Don't Hate Your Kids, Just You [Outrages]

Is there any creature full of more self-entitlement than a suburban parent? Yesterday, a bunch of kindergartners didn't get to tour the White House because they were an hour late. Their parents are outraged and, no, they won't reschedule because their schedule is booked, Mr. President That Hates Children.

Like all men, Barack Obama hates children and loves football. So yesterday he fake-invited a group of Virginia kindergartners to the White House just so he could watch them cry when he turned them away to hang out with the Pittsburgh Steelers.

A group of 100 kindergartners from Stafford County, Va., were supposed to tour the White House yesterday, but were turned away when their bus was late. They say they were shut out because the Superbowl-winning football team was visiting Obama. This is very important news that is very revealing about who Obama really is, and the White House press corps should be praised for getting to the bottom of it.

"Here we have President Obama and his administration saying, 'Here we are for the common, middle class people,' and here he is not letting 150 5- and 6-year-olds into the White House because he's throwing a lunch for a bunch of grown millionaires," Stine said.

The parents claim that they were only 10 minutes late, and that it's not their fault because their chartered bus hit traffic, which usually never happens on I-95 between Fredericksburg, Va., and Washington, D.C., so how could they have known? The White House says it was more like an hour, and they held the gates open as long as they could, but it is the White House, you know? Things to do, etc.

Obama invited the kids back for another shot, the damage has been done and these kids have already lost their faith in America and will probably just go visit an Al Quaeda training camp next time:

Parents say it's probably too late. The school year ends in a few weeks and they doubt the tour can be made up in that time.

Because a trip to the White House during the summer can be so inconvenient, what with soccer practice and camp and stuff. And next year they're in first grade, so obviously they'll be too busy.

Kindergate is the second outrage over Obama's invitation to the Steelers: Linebacker James Harrison refused to show up yesterday because Obama didn't really want to meet the Steelers. He just wanted to meet the Super Bowl winner! "He would have invited Arizona" if they had won, Harrison said, incomprehensibly.

Actress Taking Fleet Week Way Too Seriously [Open Caption]

[I mean, we're all taking it pretty seriously. But, c'mon. That's Vanessa from "Gossiping Girlies" at a party somewhere stupid in New York last night; image via INF]