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Showing posts from July 12, 2009

Susan Boyle's Campaign to Win Next Year's Razzie [For Your Consideration]

Eeking out a 16th minute, housefrump-turned-household-name Susan Boyle sits with Today to voice soundbits with all the enthusiasm of a funeral director. Once more, with feeling, Suze! And Cowell, send her to Lee Stasberg, stat! After perky Meredith Vieira struggles to give the debatable superstar a compliment, stumbling over words to question if she's had a "slight little makeover?", Suze, perhaps insulted, forces a smile. "Just a slight one," she responds with usual British irony. Because, really, in comparison to the old maid who formerly only warbled to her kitty cats, you know the New Improved Miss Boyle's a-feeling like Heidi Klum these days. When asked if she's having a good time, Suze grimaces, and forces out "I'm having a wonderful time" and "I don't want it to end" as if ramming a nail in her hand. We know all this is "new" to the humble country virgin, and she's supposedly "overwhelmed,&

Pepsi on Jackson's Hairfire: Whatevs and 'Refresh Everything' [Disasters]

If they only had a heart. Upon seeing this week's spine-tingling video of Michael Jackson 's '84 Pepsi ad accident, Pepsi and vid director Bob Giraldi don't give a shit. The international moment of dead pop star respect is officially finito . Honestly, no one's given a shit in the past 25 years. Yet as always, with mondo-stratospheric celeb death comes a whole stadium full of dusty grievances. With the fire vid now shocking the internets, the fire safety inspector at the shoot, Captain Don Donester ("DON DONester" - what clever parents he had!) blames director Giraldi for making Jackson stand under the sparks longer so the popstar would "look more majestic." C'mon, admit it. The moonwalk with one's hair in flames ? Chilling, yes. But it does look pretty Olympian. TMZ called up Giraldi for a response . He said, "That's not true. Whatever." Click. Dial tone. Wow, what a prick! In true canned spokespersonspeak, Pe

The Week We Continued Worrying and Didn't Learn to Love Megan Fox [Week In Review]

This week, junior mogul Jared Kushner found love, no one found work, and a teleprompter and a local artist died. Sarah Palin quit her job because she was not very good at it. She is also not very good at writing editorials. Jared Kushner fired everyone from their jobs , and then he proposed to a Trump. Hey, our hypsersexualised, moronic future is here. Matt Drudge likes weird local news , and Politico. Obama's teleprompter broke, and despite that he was able to speak real words, in English and everything! But he still throws like a girl. Dash Snow died. And then he became an icon. Yahoo's CEO went on a vacation and demanded that everyone else, who didn't go on vacation, work extra hard while she was gone. Oh, boy, a book about how terrible Lizzie Grubman is , by her old assistant! Is it our BIRTHDAY? Debbie Rowe is having a little war with our own New York Post. Well, now we have finally seen Michael Jackson's head catch on fire. Hey, health care re

Meet Perez Hilton's Ghost [Creative Underclass]

Meet Barbara Lavandeira , or, as she's known online, She's actually pretty normal, when not pretending to be her brother. Guanabee went digging online for information about Barbara; it looks like the 25-year-old lives a fairly ordinary life. She studied business management and computers in college and tailgated at University of Miami football games. Her brother Mario (aka Perez) is the face of, while Barbara cranks out posts, as revealed in a fresh lawsuit filed against Mario . Maybe when she finally learns to be half as elegant and charming as her big brother, Barbara will be allowed to share some of the glory that inevitably comes with doodling semen on people's faces. Published by Original source :

White House Tweets News, Does Not Run Into Tree [Lame]

Oh, god. The White House just announced a prime time press conference for next week. And they announced it on Twitter! Hey @whitehouse , that is rly stupid. Published by Original source :

Slouching Toward a Coddled and Toothless Blogosphere [Valleywag]

Remember when blogs were going to be fiercely independent firebrands who, purified of old media insidery stench, would pull no punches against traditional power structures? So much for that. Today's laptop media is shaping up to be nothing but lapdogs. Then again, even a poodle will bite once in a while. Take the TechCrunch dust-up. The tech business blog sheepishly negotiated with Twitter Inc. the release of internal company documents it received, unsolicited, via email. It was tech bloggers who lead the craven charge, excoriating TechCrunch for daring to run anything at all. On Twitter, several of Arrington's tech elite colleagues said he deserved to be literally spit upon. John Gruber of Daring Fireball called Arrington " a very sad excuse for a man " in a post that garnered strong agreement from longtime newspaperwoman Kara Swisher at All Things D, who added, " there should be no difference between Web 'journalism' and the old-fashioned jou