The prestigious institution, called
Clone High New Village Academy, was founded (most likely as some sort of assets-hiding tax dodge) by is-he-or-isn't-he Scientologist Will Smith. It teaches children "study technology" (as in: "Open the plate in your chest. Study the technology that makes you function as a normal Earth human") and promotes a rigorous diet of low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic food.
For her part, poor terrified Holmes has been completing an initial toxin cleansing phase in the lead up to her second Impregnating, to be processed once she is done filming her movie The Extra Man in her beloved New York City.
So both Suri and Katie hurtle toward the next level of Scientological horrors and mysteries, one sadly and innocently unaware, the other searching in vain for the shatters of the soul she sold lo those four or so years ago for a shot at a movie career. When reached for questioning, Cruise said that yes, yes he's thrilled about all this news but please don't hug him while his new exoskeleton is still so new and sensitive.
Image via Getty