There there, celebrity magazine editors: While Lindsay Lohan's rehab would slow the flow of gossip considerable, you could recoup your losses several times over with a Jennifer Aniston-David Schwimmer baby cover.
- Jennifer Aniston is lusting after David Schwimmer's sperm, since he's "handsome, tall, smart and with a full head of hair." Also, they made a pact to marry if they were both 40 and single, and they are both 40+ and single. Also, Jennifer Aniston has wisely decided to return control of her life to the writing staff of Friends. [National Enquirer]
- Everyone wants Lindsay Lohan to go (back) to rehab, including her mom, Samantha Ronson's family, people staying next to Lohan in hotels, people who eat next to her in restaurants and people who consume media written or broadcast in the English language. [OK!]
- Ryan Seacrest is dating a lady cocktail waitress he met at a Los Angeles nightclub. A very heterosexual, manly nightclub. [P6]
- Nadya Suleman is trying to trademark the name "Octo-Mom" so she can sell branded diapers and clothes capitalizing on her reputation for sound, responsible mothering. [Us]
- Rihanna is planning a concert in Dubai, her first since the Chris Brown thing. [E!]