Every unhappy family is dysfunctional in its own way: J. Lo is ambivalent about more Marc Anthony babies; MSNBC kids are jealous of their new sibling and Madonna's adoption was thwarted.
- A Malawian court turned down Madonna's request to take a three-year old girl home to America with her, saying she'll have to live in the country for 18 months if she wants to adopt. Which is totally unfair, because before the singer divorced her husband, broke up with lover #1, ditched boytoy #2 and tried to fill the hole in her heart with a new "orphan," they totally let her adopt some other kid, what's his name, David, without making her live in stupid Malawi, and he's already the best dancer in her troupe and excellent with the Guy Ritchie voodoo doll. [Mail]
- MSNBC hired TV news lawyer Carlos Watson, who is black, and the rest of the staff are already whining that it's a terrible affirmative action thing, like they work at Fox News or something: "He's black, and they want to have a more multicultural appearance on air... But... at whose expense?" [P6]
- J. Lo was going to divorce Marc Anthony, but he swooped her off her feet again, and swears he changed for real this time, no more being a player while she's stuck at home with her twins, security brigade and creepy Scientology friends. To ensure this doesn't happen again he'd like to impregnate her repeatedly. She'll think about it! [Gatecrasher]
- An apparent stalker allegedly tried to break into Jamie Foxx's hotel room three times in 9 days. He kept saying he was Beyonce's producer. AKA Hotel in Philadelphia doesn't sound like it has the best security. [CBS3]
- A direct descendant of George Washington, John Augustin Washington V, smashed an English banker over the head with a vodka bottle, sending him into a coma for five days. The Post says this is "not presidential" behavior and "the apple fell far from the tree." True! It's not like the original George Washington went around aggressively hurting Englishmen. [P6]